Why Bother With Marriage?

Why Bother With Marriage?


It’s tempting to think of marriage as old
fashioned. Why not just live with someone and be done with it? What need for a public
ceremony? Why the weird traditions all those churches,
temples, hymns, vows and prayers? Marriage must be a silly relic from the religious childhood
of humankind, not designed for the more logical modern world. And yet it survives. The essence
of marriage is to tie our hands, to frustrate our wills, to put high and costly obstacles
in the way of splitting up. Why do we do this? Originally, we told ourselves that God wanted
us to stay married. But even now, when God is not invoked, we keeping making sure that
marriage is rather hard to undo. For one thing, you carefully invite everyone you know to
watch you say you’ll stick together. You willingly create a huge layer of embarrassment
were you ever to turn round and admit it might have been a mistake. Furthermore, even though
you could keep things separate, marriage tends to mean deep economic and legal entanglements.
You know it is going to take the work of a phalanx of accountants and lawyers to prise
you apart. It can be done, but it will be ruinous. It is as if we somewhere
recognise that there might, rather strangely, be some quite good, though uncomfortable,
reasons why making it difficult to split up a union can be an advantage for its members.
The Marshmallow Test was a celebrated experiment in the history
of psychology designed to measure children’s ability to delay gratification – and track
the consequences of being able to think long-term. Some three-year-old children were offered
a marshmallow, but told they would get two if they held off from eating the first one
for five minutes. It turned out a lot of children just couldn’t make it through this period.
It was too tempting; the less immediate benefit of gobbling the marshmallow in front of them
was stronger than the strategy of waiting. Crucially, it was observed that these children
went on to have lives blighted by a lack of impulse control, and fared much worse than
the children who were best at subordinating immediate fun for long-term benefit. Relationships
are perhaps no different. Here too, many things feel very urgent. We’re angry and want to get out. We’re
excited by a new person and need to abandon our present partner at once. And yet as we
look around for the exit, every way seems blocked. It would cost a fortune, it would
be so embarrassing, it would take an age. This isn’t a coincidence. Marriage is a
giant inhibitor of impulse set up by our conscience to keep our libidinous, ungreatful, wild, desiring
selves in check. What we are essentially buying into by submitting to its dictates is the
insight that we are (as individuals) likely to make very poor choices under the sway of
strong short-term impulses. To marry is to recognise that we require structure to insulate
us from our urges. It is to lock ourselves up willingly, because we don’t trust ourselves. It’s a very unusual marriage indeed in which the two people
don’t spend a notable amount of time fantasising that they weren’t in fact married. But the
point of marriage is to make these feelings not matter very much. It is an arrangement
that protects us from what we desire and yet know (in our more reasonable moments) we don’t
truly need or want. At their best, relationships involve
us in attempts to develop, mature and become ‘whole’. We often get drawn to people
precisely because they promise to edge us in the right directions. But It is too easy to seem kind and normal when we keep going out with someone new. The truth about us, on the basis of which self-improvement begins, only becomes clear
over time. Chances of development increase hugely when we don’t keep running away to
people who will falsely reassure us that there’s nothing too wrong with us. Over time, the argument for marriage has shifted It’s no longer about
external forces having power over us: What we are correctly now focused on is the psychological
point of making it hard to throw it all in. For the last fifty years, the burden of intelligent effort has
been on attempting to make separation easier. The challenge now lies in another direction:
in trying to remind ourselves why immediate flight doesn’t always make sense; in trying
to see the point of holding out for the second marshmallow.

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100 thoughts on “Why Bother With Marriage?”

  • Im not against having a partner or a kid, but im not really hyped up about marriage. It doesent represent love, it represents a fucking contract…If you need marriage to love someone then get the fuck away from me because i aint marrying.

  • but there is no social shaming on divorce. In fact, you can go on tv shows and celebrate divorce, if you are a woman that is

  • modern marriage exists so that divorce lawyers get paid… the judges and the divorce attorneys are golf buddies who laugh at the suckers who willingly chain themselves into state sponsored slavery

  • I'd rather have a few good friends to rely on than have one nagging wife that has the power to divorce me and take everything I worked for along with our children

  • By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -Socrates

  • Neo: "What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge the bullets of marriage?"
    Morpheus: "No Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're MGTOW, you won't have to."

  • I’m married to the game

    Madden cost me 3 relationships and for that I thank EA sports you’ve really help guide me to happiness

  • That's why you're supposed to marry someone that you know you're gonna want to be with forever! That's why I married Doritos™!

  • Check out My husband's playlist on marriage follow the link below. Marriage is hard but fills you with inner joy if you don't give up.

    https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXug1htCo7MmtJvYOAyiXXmv5bV4QixNn

  • My parents got married at 19 (mom) and 24 (dad) – it was right for them and they’re still married today. I think 2 of the factors involved may be that they’re both deeply religious and had to do a lot of things without support from other family and friends.

    Myself, I’m in my early-30s, female and single – I don’t have a lot of friends but I’m still closely connected to my family. I moved out of the house a little while ago & have a full-time job, an apartment and I’m debt-free.

    Right now, I’m feeling pretty good being single – my mom would like me to be married soon, but I know I’m in the right place in my life. Being married might help a little more financially and romantically, but that’d be about it! And there’s so much more to marriage than that as this video tries to explain.

    Everyone has to go their own life path.

  • it's cheaper to live together and have benefits than being single or have fleeting roommates/boyfriends/girlfriends that come and go at will.

  • Never get married. There is no benefit to it. You can easily get structure and happiness as a single man. You don't need a woman or kids for that. Everything a man needs can be gotten while being single.

  • I heard this from a buddy twenty years ago, and I NEVER forgot it: "The women in their twenties today, these bitches walking by now, walking around high and mighty, thinking they're oh-so-fucking strong and empowered, see them? They spurn good Men and divorce good husbands 'just because'. They'll be grovelling on their knees sucking any cock, reeking of 'relationship desperation' in twenty years when their health is failing, looks fading, savings non existent, and appeal totally crushed. They claim they don't need no Man! Really? I'll check on this shit in twenty or thirty years and see how these bitches are doing!" My friend moved to Thailand, married a Thai woman, did very well there, and never came back…!

  • OMG, the comment section is full of "don't get married" and "stay single" etc
    It would be nice if you all would say your ages. I'ts ok if you're under 25.
    But good luck being unmarried when you're 40, 50 or 60. Not to mention when you get retired.
    When you're working 5 days a week, 8 hours a day it's easy to get distracted that nobody is wainting for you at home, and you dont have with who to talk and make plans.
    But when you're retired and single (and your friends start getting ill or dying) and you're not as fit, and you dont have any hobbies (and so on) you'll be wishing that you were merried .
    I'm 33 and single, free spirit, freelancer, making a good living in a good city …. but God, i really feel the need to be in a commited relationship. I actually do want to get merried and start a family.

  • Marriage is insurance for the quickly aging women, there is absolutely 0 benefits for men. Guard your own wallet and go your own way!

  • My parents have been married for 20 years are best friends and love each other more than life.. I’ve seen true love with my own eyes and am the child to it.. is it so wrong to want that for myself?

  • A word is enough for the wise and It is also important to apply wisdom when dealing with our partners. I got help from cyberhackinggenius as he helped cloned my cheating wife’s phone and I got access to all her phone text messages and social media chats without touching her phone. All I did was share my wife’s phone number with Cyberhackinggenius. I was able to read her recent and deleted messages from my phone without laying my hands on her phone and she has no idea her phone has been cloned. I discovered that my wife has been in a long term affair outside our marriage with so many proofs. You can contact this great Hacker Gavin via Gmail (cyberhackinggenius) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +19256795146.

  • looks like there are a lot of single people like me out there. i'm happy being single, keeping myself away from heartbreak, arguments, the need to satisfy my partner, and whatnot. meh. the world population is skyrocketing, let's not add more people. let's rock our single life!

  • Why the hell would I share my hard earn money, savings, retirement plan, excellent credit, debt free, resources, investments, business, house, cars with a women that NEVER helped nevertheless contributed? NO F N way! Hell I’m 35 yrs old, I don’t have kids and never been married! I will never consider those things because truth of the matter is kids are a liability, marriage is a scam and biased against men when it comes to Divorce and Family Court! NO way I’m going to pay Life Time Alimony to! 👀👎🏽

  • The marshmallow test happened in the 60-70s and has absolutely nothing to do with marriage because it is about children's inability to manage their drive for immediate satisfaction. Also, if you think we live in the same world, now, than we did then… well… you are delusional. 50% of marriages end in divorce and no argument is needed for getting married or not. You do you.

    Want to buy a house out of wedlock? Cool. Sign a contract splitting up the house before you buy it. Having kids out of wedlock? Cool. Figure out a custody plan before their birth. My "wife" and I did both of these… without getting married. We have had a CPA do our taxes and we have zero tax benefits from getting married until we make $400k/year.

    The bottom line is that people don't want to do prenuptial arrangements because they think it "taints the sanctity of their union." It's stupid and a massive mistake. Most people just want to have a fra la la wedding for $50,000 and then stay together for 2-20 years and spend $50,000 to get divorced. Waste of time and money. Thanks anyways.

    Want to know another cool trick? Have a wedding and don't sign the wedding certificate! WOW! DER! WHO KNEW THAT WAS POSSIBLE?

    Lastly… and frankly… it's offensive to me as a healthy and mentally, emotionally and financially stable adult that I need a ceremony and certificate to keep me from making poor decisions that would jeopardize my relationship. What kind of weak ass person can't be big enough to acknowledge what is good or bad for them and their family? Marriage is going to solve that? Fucking please. What a joke.

  • Applicable points, unless you're a woman.

    All you need to do in that case is to blame the man, call him an abusive asshole, and you get half of all his stuff without ever having worked a day in your life. Separation is easy for the woman and in fact, you will be celebrated for being strong and independent and for getting out of a toxic marriage, even if its a complete lie.

    Its hard for the man. You can't call a woman an abusive asshole and get taken seriously.

    So don't get married. You're tying yourself down with a person who will do everything in her power to ruin your life. If you don't have the power to leave, why should she respect you?

  • I am God believer. But hate to do filthy things that men want from women to do. After that chd birth pain, life long responsibility to brought it up esp in these days without much support of weird thinking too egoistic money stingy modern men. Women who are single innocent and have no sexual desires are more happier.

    God is very broad-minded. Sexual organs has been given to test our purity and degradation for temptations not to produce. God is ocean of love, Lust is opposite to Him. He loves those who have love and innocence of children. God created zillions of planets with His broad mindedness. Narrow minded cannot do it. Society's rudimentary views have increased population of this planet to 8 billion. Overpopulation is decreasing natural resources that causing evilness in society.

  • Marriage is a slavery to people who practiced sexual immorality.

    Marriage separates us from animals.

    Therefore choose a person who carefully that you are willing to walk with even to the point of death.

    The morality of this generation is ultimately severely damaged by modernism, instant-gratification and inconsistencies.

    The moral integrity was abandoned because of poor choice.

  • I'm still quite young, but I'm getting the sense already that single life seems way more preferable to married life. Marriage just seems incredibly unrealistic and silly. Spending your entire life with only one particular person goes against human nature. All the while having the government step in and dictate this makes it weird and oddly tyrannical. Intimate relationships ebb and flow in my experience and I can't imagine being so madly in love with someone to the point where I want to sign a document to say I will literally stay with one person till I die and if for whatever reason one of us wants out, I have to pay huge amounts of money for it and put a lifelong burden on myself and the other person. By the same token however, I do see the benefit in marriage when it comes to raising children. I do kind of like the idea of raising a child, but I have some serious qualms with the whole marriage component.

  • So to put it bluntly you basically just said that wedding rings are like a choker collar for a dog except for people with low impulse control.
    Well that would explain why I've never seen the point in it, my impulse control works just fine.

  • I enjoy the single lifestyle and intend to stay that way. The best advice I could give for other millennials is to make money, develop a work ethic and skills to be financially independent.

    Marriage leads to debt which is a killer. The modern economy is designed to trap you and get you operating on credit and owing money.

    Do what is in YOUR own best interests. Do not let something that is antiquated dictate how you choose to live your life. In the end, we are just food for the maggots.

  • bull shit , I'm gonna ride my Harley cross country , titty fuck fat bitches and overdose on acid at some point , but hey that's me I cherish freedom

  • Women get married have three kids divorce with prizes and go live up their lives with younger men . I'm that younger guy it's disgusting. Why would I make that choice. Social media will give a parking lot full of free rides.

  • School of life is full of ca-rap once in a while or more often than that, and this is a prime example :
    1) For starters marriage is not for the couple, it is for the kids. The couple can fuck off as well and none cares, the thing is that sex for men of all ages and women up to a certain age tends to produce kids. And it is the kids that matter, not the man or the woman. This is why when a 45 year old woman marries, nobody cares, but if a 70 year old man marries a 20something then everybody cares since kids can be produced. Marriage was developed even before formation of societies in order to keep the couple together and stick to raising their children, otherwise the latter tended to die. As simple as that.
    2) In the modern distorted, circus-like world, the institution of marriage is distorted by an irrational legislation imposed by antihumanist oligarchies which royally screw men and favour women, literally pushing them to get divorce, not at all prohibiting them as this SOL video would want to convince you.

  • Women are encouraged to get divorced. The CASH, PRIZES, RESOURSES and RETIREMENT PLAN falls straight onto the Beta Simpanzee. . The system is rigged !

  • I can't imagine fucking the same old boring hole the rest of my life. Not a chance. Married guys are suckers and women marry either because all their friends are married or are getting married, or they want half the guys shit lol the whole thing is a scam. Don't take that slow road to resentment fellas. Don't give away what you work hard for so some bitch can take it away. You been warned lol

  • Marriage used to be a religious ceremony – a celebration between the man and the woman coming together in front of God and exchanging oaths with one another.

    Now it has become a contract, with the state being a third party, that will treat divorced men as wage-slaves, robbing him of his children and home at the expense of his ex-wife, who now hates him, but sure loves his money. Never mind, that the institution of marriage has been defiled by the literal degenerates and sodomites under the guise of "equality".

    To take part of this institution, means that you become part of the system. A system that has become an abomination and lost all of its sacred value that it once had.

    No thanks.

  • Seldom do I see married people who allow for psych emotional growth and maybe for them that’s ok. I’d rather be dead than stop my own maturity as a human being. For that reason marriage does not align with my needs.

  • Marriage is the biggest bullshit you can do, just f. waste of life and you only have one. Marriage does not benefit men, greatly benefits women.

  • any man who gets married in the west is an unbelievable utter mental case doormat weak piece of shit ! men who get married in the west get oversexed women who will give you nothing but an oversexed aged body, then once you get divorced the man loses his house most of his money and has his children stolen by the state and given to the woman, no questions asked !

  • Originally marriage was a covenant made before God to serve him with your spouse which unites you both towards the same goal. Denying yourselves and serving your spouse as you both strive towards a deeper relationship with God. By putting the focus of Marriage on yourself and gratification, marriage is pointless and out of context.

  • I get the idea of marriage,but it's just not for me,it's totally possible to be married and happy but I don't think I would like it,in general I'm a loner,even though I have a lot of friends I enjoy staying alone

  • Plenty of men stay married and on the outside have good marriages. And like 90% cheat on the wives. Marriage is for financial security and kids stability. Why else do they ask if you are married or single on a mortgage application????

  • When someone who is married starts hitting on you. You know it's a sneak peak to show how miserable your life will be if you do what they did. Tying the know is relevant to hanging yourself.

  • Marriage is build on the constitution of giving up your freedom. The reason people see marriage as a season of depression especially americans is because you value freedom over sacrifice. But if you can truly sacrifice your freedom, and understand,coexisting. If you succeed you will ,get the most happiest life ever.

  • Eating marshmellows are not healthy for you in the first place…so waiting to receive two, does not matter! Same with marriage. No guarantee of any better success. You will gain knowledge though. And your life savings. Will not make you any less happy either…if you don't get married.

  • The stress it takes to sustain the marraige is really where the main stress is. You are better off investing uour energy into self development, caring for your child. I think we should leave marraiges for retired people. It's not designed for everyone

  • well yeah of course the marriage rates will slow and drop drastically if theres a severe punishment for divorce. everyone wants to make sure they find the right person so they dont have to go through that headache and waste of time and money. and guess what that takes time rofl.

  • The purpose of legal marriage (involving the government) was to protect women and children. That doesn't apply anymore because children are born outside marriage and parents can get divorced. So why not just keep the government out of it and let individuals call themselves "married" if they want to?

  • Man I always wanted to get married then saw how firmly the Youtube community is against it. I'm a single in shape doctor, I attract the worst type of girls who always try to rush me into marriage and buy them things. I always thought just pre-nup if you want to go for it but then read most times the pre-nup is thrown out in court. So I think the single life is going to be it for me guys….

  • all my married friends have been royally fucked over by the state and their wives…its really legalized larceny..I say do not do it, do not do it, etc etc

  • Playstation getting expensive especially in my country. Wonder what Ps5 will cost. Yea I got a lot of shit other than marriage to spend money on. Sex ain't worth the aftermath. Gamers will understand.

  • Marriage is a legal contract requiring many signatures in triplicate; a great deal for the woman and a bad deal for the man when divorce-court hell eventually arrives. The odds of finding that really compatible life-partner for the long run are not very good. I'm single and retired, and over the years all the divorced men I've encountered were barely left with a pot to piss in.

  • If a woman tells you she wants to get married because you make her "happy" that's a red flag. Why?
    Happiness is a mindset, which means that as she ages (nothing to do with maturity BTW) her idea of happiness will change as it will for the man, however the man DID NOT get married for "Happiness", he got married for the vagina and companionship.
    How can happiness for her change? Let's look at her default languages.

    Her first love language – money. Either you do not make enough to excite her anymore OR you make too much which requires you to be away from her more.

    Her second love language – attention. They love to be desired and to turn heads, its why they cover their faces with powder and toxic chemicals to appeal to both sexes (not just men), some argue they wear toxic chemicals to appeal to the same sex more often than the opposite sex. Either you make her feel sexy 24/7 or you don't look at her "the same" anymore.

    Her third love language – Adaptation. The female species believe that as a man you should adapt to her changes in life BUT DO NOT expect her to adapt to yours. Of course they will say they would or "I'm not like that" but statistically they're lying.

    Who do I personally blame? I blame their grandmothers and mothers OR lack thereof. As little girls they were not taught the role of a woman in a family & to some extent in society. So as they grew into their manipulative bodies & vain mindsets they created their own ideology of what it means to be a woman which sadly in current times repulse men (at-least the ones with standards) and will begin a life where they become damaged.

    Their outcome is limited
    1. Single Mom = bouncing around men hoping one commits to raising the DNA of another man
    2. Lesbian – deciding to scissor their significant other for as long as that lasts
    3. Alone – where they become bitter and grow a dislike in men due to their inability to identify the problems within themselves.

    As men we have to set standards high and also develop ourselves (physically, spiritually, financially) first in order to retain respect from the female species.
    Girls will stop going to clubs for whoring hour if men would stop going there for whoring as well.
    Girls will stop makeup and surgery if men admit how dumb or ugly it actually looks and our desire for natural beauty
    Girls will stop divorcing you if you lay down your intent in marriage and for crying out loud STOP GETTING A MARRIAGE LICENSE!

    You DO NOT NEED A MARRIAGE LICENSE, do you own research about that, this way the state is not allowed in your affairs and due to NO CHILD SUPPORT given she may even try to work out the marriage since there is no monetary incentive to ruin her children lives by removing both parents from under the same roof.

    In closing one thing both sexes need to realize and some will through painful experiences, YOU CAN NOT FIX A BROKEN PERSON!

    Broken people BREAK normal people. Do everything in your power to find out if the person is broken or damaged before you invest your time, love and energy into that individual otherwise they will hurt you in the long run.

  • Not every marriage is like this a lot of people are petty fucks and a few rare ones are not you gotta really sort through the bullshit first but it can work

  • I'd like to have a marriage ceremony BUT I do not want to legally get married. I'm not signing away half my assets if my partner decides to fuck off

  • Unless you know you got a nice conservative girl who won't back stab you, marriage is just too much of an unneeded hassle. There are very few women worth pursuing and those women are more than often taken so just stick to relationships and never fully commit.

  • Marriage is shit and is just destined to go down hill My dad had to get divorced and he has no where to live but my place because his ex wont let him live in the house anymore and he hardly has any money any more and is getting worse and worse by the day and I've been to many Weddings and from hearing the Vows of Marriage I've decided I will be single for the rest of my life I may have A daughter or son or both but never getting married marriage is just giving up your freedom and becoming a caged bird and I'm not being caged ever