Saving Your Marriage From Divorce – David Clarke Part 1

Saving Your Marriage From Divorce – David Clarke Part 1


so you’re in a situation like that with
your marriage it seems impossible there’s just no way out look what’s
happening it’s been years like this and Satan is pushing you’re done God may not
be done and it’s not gonna be done with that marriage there’s always a chance
with God’s help welcome to the focus on the family
broadcast helping families thrive David welcome back to focus well my
pleasure to be here we love having you here you’re just so energetic number one
you’re fun to be with I can’t believe you can contain yourself in a counseling
session you must be a very interesting counselor are you subdued when a couple
is in front of you or are you just in their face I’m never subdued I can see
you tell them what to do and how to do it that’s coming to me I don’t say well
how do you I have never ever said in a counseling session how do you feel about
that you get right to the point come on yeah we’re gonna get right to it
I love it and let me ask you you believe there’s some good news about bad
marriages how three words join the club I know in point nine percent of
marriages get into the danger category at one point or another five to seven
years huge problem area the seven-year itch is real and then if you clear that
then it’s going to be the eighteen to twenty year mark another huge upswing
huh marriage breaks down annoying habits male-female differences communication
problems conflict issues Plus no one ever taught you how to be intimate in a
great Christian home if mom and dad did that they did it behind closed doors I
don’t know how to do it so your marriage is gonna break down that’s the bad news
in fact in this great book I don’t want a divorce a 90 day guide to saving your
marriage you mentioned kind of three basic marriage types let’s start there
good first we’re unhappy but willing to work
on it our marriage is struggling we admit it we’re gonna be honest here two
adults and we want to get better maybe and there’s different categories in that
main category but that’s a not a bad place to be that’s a good place they’re
recognizing okay we’re struggling we’re roommates let’s do better right the
couples who don’t have the honest conversation where I’m unhappy you’re
unhappy we’re in trouble though is the ones that I’m getting
divorced if you loose it and you’ll you’ll seek a plan like my plan or your
pastor or or focuses resources and and the intensives are awesome they’re
excellent I send couples to the you can make it
but you’ve got to have the conversation and you have to start doing something
before it’s too late let me ask you this the want to we’re gonna come back and
get the other two real quick but what about the want to that you’re describing
how does a couple recognize okay we still have I wanted
better in us well good question I mean that’s the that’s it it’s usually gonna
be a conversation brought up by one of the spouses probably gonna be the woman
because they’re sensitive and they know what they’re missing
your basic guy doesn’t know what he’s missing if there’s food on the table if
we’re OK in the bedroom if my job is OK we we’re good hey aren’t we good don’t
not realizing the wife is dying inside so she’s gonna bring it up my theory is
a good man’s gonna get it you have to bring it up you’ve got to be very direct
he’ll realize uh-oh and then we go through a series of steps and that if he
loves his wife and chances are he does okay what do I have to do initially he
doesn’t know what he’s missing he’ll do it for her and that’s fine way to start
eventually a few weeks into the program he’ll realize oh I’ve been missing I’m
not deep I’m not close to my wife so that’s what the ones who comes initially
from I love you you’re saying we’re and we’re in trouble I’m gonna respond to it
but what I’m also hearing you say is that want to can be an aha you may not
start there I mean I just don’t know what I want and then when you start
going through the process of why are we not as strong as we could be you start
recognizing oh maybe I’m part of the problem oh yeah I’m sitting with couples
at my office every week had four fired this last week the wife is there he’s
dragged the husband there and he actually has the nerve she explains I’m
upset I’m unhappy we’re not intimate and he’s arguing with both of us saying no
we’re fine I’m telling you we’re fine I said what are you doing in a shrinks
office what are you out of your mind you’re in trouble your wife is saying
you’re in trouble but there’s a lot of resistance of that what’s the male thing
about that why are we blind to that what is it is it ego are we saying hey even
though we’ve got our issues it’s okay partly that we’re into control and I
don’t want to feel like I’m out of control in my marriage but underneath
the real reason is uh-oh if this is really a problem much is gonna be
required of me I’m gonna have to learn how to be intimate I’m gonna have to
really get deeper with my wife I don’t want to do that I don’t know how to do
it I’m not good at it and so if I can somehow convince her that were okay then
we don’t have to do this well it’s the dumbest argument in the history of the
world she’s already saying I’m unhappy we need to have a response to that sir
yeah all right let’s go to the other two you mentioned the were unhappy stage but
willing to work on what’s number two number two is my
spouse won’t change many spouses are in this situation probably the woman could
be the man but let’s say it’s the woman and you have a husband who is not gonna
divorce you but he is pretty much done with you he is not gonna be intimate
with you and he won’t do anything to change he won’t read my book I don’t
want a divorce he will not go to a seminar he will not go to an intensive
he won’t talk to your pastor he’s not gonna make any changes and this can
happen over a period of years and the wife’s dying inside what am I supposed
to do if I have a husband or a spouse like that what does the church offer me
well Dave Clark through his book and focus is we’re offering you a plan a
clear plan that will get his attention hopefully motivate him get him to repent
from his sin because that husbands in serious sin if you’re saying our
marriage is in trouble and I’m Anakin do anything to work on it I’m breaking one
of God’s most important laws and so that’s a sinner and we’re gonna confront
that sin and we’ll come back around on each of these we’re gonna explore them
more but we want to get the basics right up front and the third one then is what
my spouse has sinned big time right and I don’t know that he deserves being
married to me any longer right this is the catastrophic crisis
when the roof just caves in I found out my husband is looking at pornography and
it’s been a pattern I found out he’s got an emotional affair going with someone
at work or Susie that he knew back in junior high whatever or or he’s got a
full-blown affair or there’s an alcohol problem a drug problem financial
irresponsibility he’s gambling he’s wasted our money he he he’s done
something that or she’s done something just outrageous it’s extremely sinful
and it’s a massive crisis how to heal how to enter the system at that point
get the sinner to repent and get into recovery and then heal from what has
happened that’s the challenge of that right way and I want to say you know
every time you’re voicing that he did this you’re really saying he/she the
spouse but it’s fatiguing to always have to say he/she so you know unless it’s
specific to male behavior you’re really trying to refer to both genders that
could be in trouble right exactly and women are I hate to
say this women are catching up in the cinema category well yeah either way
that’s it so you’ve got this 90-day plan what can a couple expect at
of the book and the resources to help I mean really is it that simple ninety
days it sounds like if I could be that bold you’re gonna help me lose a little
weight it’s 90 days because I say it is it could take a hundred and eighty who
knows it might but it’s it after 30 years doing this I I have developed a
plan but doing this now for 20 years this book comes over 20 years of of I
know this works it’s exactly what I do in my therapy so it’s tested my couples
thousands of red apples I don’t work in theory I don’t write a book I don’t
present a seminar until I know it works huh it works for sandy and I and we went
through many of these steps the blonde denied writing a book honey help me out
here can we just clarify the blonde is an affectionate term and she’s good with
it oh she loved you called the blonde well let’s spend the rest of time right
now talking about marriages where both spouses are unhappy but they’re willing
to work on it we’ll go a little deeper with each of these how do you think
these couples typically get where they’re at what creates the roommate
mentality and I think it’s the nature of the beast it’s just what marriage is
like and it happened to the blonde sandy and I and we didn’t even expect it to
but it did so this is pretty normal it’s very normal
you’re infatuated you’re in love you get married then you start living to getting
to find out just how hard it is massive adjustments annoying habits I can’t
believe she’s like that sandy found out that I’m a slob she didn’t know that
because we weren’t living together unbelievable world-class slob you
thought she knew that about Dave Brown my roommate in college didn’t care cuz
he was a slob – I never got the the memo here so that was a big issue and then
things are already starting to break down and we don’t we don’t know how to
be intimate when you lose the rush the adrenaline the power of the infatuation
you don’t have anything left now we have to learn how to develop intimacy and
when’s ever taught us don’t have a clue you’re given often in the church and
well-meaning people and they’re wonderful and church is wonderful but
you’re you’re given the the goal but you’re not given the how to so yeah
that’s a good point man so that’s why focus is here exactly think about that
and you do a wonderful job no one else doesn’t like focus and then you’re
already kind of on the edges and then you do the one thing
guaranteed to kill your passion stone-cold dead you have a child you
know what what were you thinking what are your mind then it’s all about the
baby I’m an hour Emily came our first it was just like catastrophic we just our
lies were just came to a stop we got to keep her alive and then it was we gotta
stay alive she’s killing us she was yelling all the time she’s very feisty
she’s a wonderful person but uh so that I don’t know where she gets that you
also give some advice in the book about this kind of marriage you suggest we
take these marriages out back and shoot them what are you getting to what is
that all about so most of my couples that and they’re shocked out of their
heads we’re sitting there at the end of the first session I said look I gotta
tell you this marriage is awful it’s dead take it out back and shoot it we’re
done and they look at me like why are we here I thought you were I thought he was
a Christian Betty Bob I say look your first marriage is over we’re not going
back to that one we’re gonna read you we’re gonna heal from what’s happened
but God’s principles we’re gonna put into place the brand-new marriage which
is gonna take you the rest of the way so that’s a little juxtaposition I use and
it really seems to work no it’s true okay to successfully build a stronger
marriage you believe couples must strengthen their relationship with God I
everybody that feels that way is now saying yes we’re getting to the
spiritual component that’s so true that’s foundational we would say what
does that look like though in practice in practical terms what does it look
like to strengthen your relationship with God when you’re in this kind of
marriage well here’s the nuts and bolts I’m assuming it’s a good assumption
because I always ask couples when I see them yeah do you know Jesus Christ
personally if not we’re gonna do that like right now because without God’s
help you’re not going to make it but then the second point is how how are you
personally doing in your relationship with God through Jesus church attendance
maybe a little little little lacks I’m not having a quiet time you’re not close
to God sir if you’re not close to God or ma’am you know we can’t do the steps in
my book we’re gonna have to we start with that let’s get your faith back
where it belongs when a Satan’s most effective tools is using marital
unhappiness to draw you away from God huh he’s a master at it I don’t wanna go
to church were unhappy you know and we’re just were just were just drift
part and so we don’t want to pray together everything falls apart but it’s
you and God that’s the main thing so we start getting that back and most of the
couple’s on my office hang their head they know exactly what I’m talking about
I don’t get pushback they say you’re right and the man will
say I’m the leader which I should make sure we go to church you know let me ask
you David if that’s an interesting observation with the couples that come
to you how many come to you that are struggling that do have a you know good
healthy relationship with God they’re reading the word regularly they’re
praying regularly maybe hopefully praying together regularly how many of
those couples come in for help three percent three percent seriously thank
you that it that’s why it’s in the book it’s major-league I am not close to God
it’s only with God’s power that I can love this opposite-sex person once I
lose that connection I I you literally cannot do it you know that fits with
national survey work that it’s somewhere around one to three percent that the
whole the whole country of Christians would say that if we’re engaged with
each other if we’re healthy spiritually very few people have marital difficulty
at the level that it’s gonna tear it apart let me ask you this you believe
the breakdown in most marriages is a breakdown in communication we see that
here at focus it sounds so simple I was talking to Jean the other night and we
were talking about how many generations do we have to go through you know when
will we say oh it’s communication because we’ve been talking about it for
like 2,000 years yeah you know that we need to communicate better we need to
love and respect each other why is this so hard to do if it’s so obvious you
know nobody knows how when you’re dating and even early a marriage you think you
know how you think you’re having deep conversations in fact you are not
because you don’t know how every parent listening should should actually sit
their kids down and there should be a crash course over the course of of years
actually teaching them how to communicate with the opposite sex nobody
does it because you don’t think to do it well that’ll just work out we worked it
out they’ll work it out no we need to have as part of premarital education in
this country and the church can be involved in that very clear I’m gonna
teach you how to communicate that’s what I do with my premarital couples Wow
thank you that just yeah huge they think they already know they don’t know
so that air of communication the book the 90-day program addresses that
head-on another one and this I think is if not equal to maybe greater than
because it starts everything else selfishness I mean I think dr. Clark the
main reason God set it up this way why opposites attract
I mean he’s probably smiling a bit because he’s moving us toward his
character selflessness in marriage speak to that issue of how selfishness can
destroy a marriage oh boy it works every time it’s tried and it’s tried every
time and I think of my marriage specifically I was I have a wonderful
mother Kathleen Clark so I’m sure she’s listening to this I always give her a
hard time it’s always the mom’s fault anyway hey wait a minute
I’m sticking up for moms she was so loving and so gracious and and I think I
was the baby it’s great to be the baby and so I was spoiled I come into
marriage everything had been taken care of now with a great kid don’t get me
wrong I was a great kid and I really was didn’t get them to accept your really
messy that’s right mom didn’t seem to care she shut the door I come into
marriage with sandy oh my goodness the expectations there she a firstborn by
chance no she’s second boy but she reads more
of a for a sport and she’s a doer she’s a mover a shaker she tells him what to
do and I do it she’s a rock but I came in totally on me but I thought that if
if sandy just met all of my needs well of course I’d be happy and then if I’m
happy she’d be happy a lot of guys feel that way well it was the dumbest thing
in the world so I had to really revamp loving her we had some great
conversation talk about communication she sat me down early in marriage and
said look I’m doing everything here Dave her adela Seminary I’m doing the laundry
I’m working full-time and I’m typing your I’m typing your your your papers
late at night I would hand them to her and say would you type this and I’d go
to bed oh my goodness nares daggers are flowing right after right now my
goodness what kind of a husband was that terrible sandy said you’re out of your
mind and so I had I read that I started doing the laundry start doing the dishes
when she cooked I got a part-time job because the burden was too much on her
and I did my own dumb papers but more than that I had to learn how to love
this beautiful blonde I had no idea and so I had to learn how to how to talk
with her how to make time with her how to how to really meet
her needs and have conversations it would be deep for her our first year was
rough rough rough rough yes okay for the men that are listening let me ask this
question what does a deep good conversation sound like I mean we’re
down to 101 buddy well youyou literally first you let your
wife define that cuz a guy might think this was a great conversation about me
fixing the car engine or whatever it might be the bottle tops are doing
exactly you know but I don’t think so so you let her you see if you’ve got the
guts you sit down with your wife today and you say honey what is a deep
conversation she’ll laugh her head off are you kidding you’ve never asked that
you probably faint but that she knows exactly what she wants here and you let
her know enjoy you know what what she needs well we would talk about a topic
and you would say this and I would say that and you’d ask me certain questions
she knows is that a good question to start with it is what is a deep
conversation with me what would that look like honey she knows the answer and
your particular woman will be able to tell you and choreograph it and you’ll
say okay I’m gonna work on that so it’s like a training exercise women I have a
PhD in communication so we shouldn’t be shocked by the speed in that reply when
you ask that question you know my houses don’t be upset it was so quick because
she’s been wanting to answer that question for a few years she has and
that’s male leadership you need to be asking her what are your needs and
that’s one of her key needs let’s start working on this she will be beyond
thrilled and then together yeah I mean she’ll teach you how to communicate she
absolutely will well and that’s a beautiful picture of how it could work
to is for the wife to maybe knock some of that edge off of her anger that he
needs to be taught well I mean it’s hard for us to say that we don’t want to be
taught about anything we could fix that and then we totally mess it up but even
in this area to be taught you know so honey can you teach me how to be deep
sure deeply intimate with he takes guts to ask that women tend to think he knows
and he’s holding out on me I don’t know here’s the secret he
doesn’t have a clue right he needs to be taught and if he’s open to that you’ll
do it together like every area of your relationship parenting I mean in the
bedroom the physical the spiritual you’re gonna work together right and
teach each other well again you mention it someone’s gonna be
working tear you apart the enemy and he’s so successful David you mentioned
writing a letter of responsibility to your spouse that sounds again a little
intimidating as I read it yeah what does it mean I’m sitting with a couple this
is this is second session we’ve established some of the foundational
things as we’ve discussed and now we’re gonna talk about and that the homework
assignment is going to be and they bring it in the letter of responsibility this
sounds bad sir it does but you know what I don’t care I know that you know that
and and I I explained it look you because they come in for a session it’s
all about the other person she met bad bad bad bad you wouldn’t believe and
then she goes back oh yeah well how about you bozo bap bap bap bap I say
this is not helpful you’re probably right in what your
partner is doing wrong but it doesn’t help you can’t do anything about that so
stop the rocks and the bottles I’m gonna have you look in the mirror very solidly
pray over this and write actually write out the mistakes you’ve made in the
marriage for next time you can hear a pin drop in the counseling session but
you know what that’s how we start that’s how dr. Clarke starts that’s how the
Bible starts it starts with looking in the mirror the log in your eye
take a look be very honest about mistakes regrets things you have to work
on that’s a and then B is what you’re gonna do what you want to do to change
those things mm-hmm couples that come in and and a lot of them try this because
the resistance they’ll come in and they haven’t done the assignment I’m not
gonna see them again this is a progressive series of steps
I’m not mean about it well sometimes I am depending on if I’ve had my chai tea
or not in the morning anyway so I will say no hi this is and that we’re gonna
cut this session short because you don’t have the homework I have no other agenda
here yeah and and you can go now and you’re gonna pay me that nip sit in the
bud that’s good no another one that you talk about is focusing on your spouse’s
positive attributes that could be so hard and you know especially if you if
you have a critical nature which I think all human beings do it’s whether or not
you let it out of the cage yeah and because it’s so fleshly to be critical
and you know that’s again one of the things Jesus talked about is bite that
tongue you know don’t go there and how would we think about being less critical
or not critical and more positive about our
spouse how do we do that well it’s a great question Jim when a marriage
breaks down as you know it’s all negative when they’re sitting in front
of me they’re they’re all negative the positivity is all gone that’s how they
started in their relationship with positivity so we bring that back and it
has to be forced I say you’re not gonna like hearing this you’re not gonna want
to do it we’re not worried about your feelings you just have to do it faith in
God faith in this process and hopefully love for your spouse it’s gonna be
developing comp we start with compliments I’ll say this next week I
want you to come up with a list of 14 very impressive and real compliments for
your for your spouse physical physical attractiveness character what they do
for you as spiritual qualities has to be a real list and then you’re gonna
dropped and in seven days to two compliments a day one in the morning one
in the evening hmm that begin and it’s it’s the most awkward thing in the world
they don’t want to do it I can’t think of anything positive don’t come back to
my office until you have thought of positives because they’re there they’re
just totally buried right by your dysfunction and Satan’s pushing them way
out where to whack so when they start after that week things are starting to
change gently because they said something that is true and it starts to
connect them so we start with that yeah it’s so true and it’s so important it
goes back to communication like you’re saying let’s end today talking about
conflict which is you know again another all of these are so critical I keep
saying this is important this is important but the lack of communication
and dealing with conflict in a healthy way is what got a lot of couples to the
point they’re at now right the point that they need help
what does healthy conflict look like and David you know this folks are gonna
email us or contact us and say if you’re Christian you shouldn’t have any
conflict address that – yeah those people have big problems there’s nothing
worse in my opinion I’ll tell couples issed but in a couple that has no
conflict why Oh Mike it sounds right though it sounds like a good thing and
very christ-like that’s not true Christ had a conflict with a lot of people and
they killed him that was that was pretty conflictual and he always told the truth
was got him in all kinds of trouble even though it was done with love yeah if
you’re avoiding you’re avoiding what is actually going on so you’re baring
things absolutely right and that’s keeping you far apart
and so those kind of couples if I’m avoiding all these issues that are
really bothering me I’m not talking about a lot of things I should be
talking about and so you pull way apart you’re gonna have conflict you actually
want to have complete it’s built into God’s system and if you handle it the
right way there’s all kinds of passion in conflict working it through finding
out things about your partner you never knew closeness results the making up is
sweet the whole thing works can I ask you about that because so often we’ve
had marriage experts on the program and one of the things especially couples
that have gone through horrific marital strife maybe infidelity what-have-you
but they work through it without exception what I hear from them is that
our marriage is more intimate now in every way emotionally physically
everything why is that when you go through such a valley if you can love
each other again truly love each other you seem to have the best marriage that
you’ve ever had I tell you what happens initially and most importantly you see
God working in your life oh my goodness look what God has done it’s with his
power we’ve gotten through this he gets all the glory we couldn’t do it on our
own so there’s a reconnection to him but also as you were it’s like being in a
war zone together these guys that have been to war guys and girls that have
been to war together those are those are bonds that never lessen and over the
course of a lifetime because you’ve been through this together and I got your
back and when I tell couples it’s we have to heal from this Anna might have
the seal from the hill from the problems but in the process you get reconnected
because you’re talking about very deep personal things you’ve never talked
about for years if you can talk about it then you really get connected on a deep
level and so I would I would second that totally you I tell couples you’re gonna
be so much better than you ever were once we’ve gone through this battle and
what you’re saying is it almost creates the synopsis it connects the couple the
way they should have been connected from the beginning right isn’t that an irony
and they figure out we were never connected no couple has ever connected
on a deep level when they get married there you can’t be you literally cannot
be so once you’ve worked through problems together and even serious
problems that’s what connects you that’s God’s plan well that’s good David man we
have flown through this but we’re not done we’ve covered topic 1
you know when the couple is unhappy but willing to work toward it we still got
to come back to the one spouse not being willing and kind of dig into that
and then finally when the the big sins occur whatever that might be infidelity
or abuse or where there’s something happening that needs more serious
contemplation maybe separation those kinds of things let’s come back next
time and cover that can you stick with us I’m not going anywhere
okay good let’s do it hey I’m John fuller and thanks for watching get more
info about focus over here and more from our guests over there and be sure to
subscribe to our channel as well you

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37 thoughts on “Saving Your Marriage From Divorce – David Clarke Part 1”

  • THank you for posting this video--looking forward to the next part…..will be attending an Intensive next week—and praying that my husband and I can find our common pathway to coming through this cloud over our marriage……He acknowledges God—but has left Him at the door knocking…he is resisting so hard out of fear…..fear of not knowing how to live without the anger and bitterness he has carried for decades….I am praying for ALL the couples who will be in attendance — that the Lord will have HIS way with all of us….and will SHine throughout the week….and praying that the Truth is presented in a way that doesn't cause my husband to run away—–but to our Father….please help me pray that I can be the wife God knows my husband needs! Thank you for all you do!

  • Thank you David Clarke for hitting the nail on the head. We are getting your book. Life for the empty nesters.

  • First I am glad you are trying to help and I suspect you are helping many, carry on and help ever more where you can.
    But the truth is sometimes it is just time to cut your losses. Splitting up should never be the first choice but is it still a valid choice. The juice is simply not worth the squeeze for many of us. In general I don't believe marriage should be entered into for most men today, you are not marrying a woman you are marring the state. I don't hate the player, I just hate the game.

  • Beginning at 2:50 to 3:00, Dr. Clarke seems to belittle and attack the main 3 things of the husband's job and role that Scripture Commands a husband to do. The Scriptures say this is what a husband is suppose to do for his wife.

    Exodus chapter 21 verses 10 thru 11 says,
    "10 If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish. 
    11 And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money. " (KJV)

    According to the Scriptures, the husband is commanded to provide his wife with:
    1) Food
    2)Clothes/Shelter
    3)The duty of marriage or Conjugal Rights

    But Dr. Clarke says doing what the Scriptures Command is not enough.

    Dr. Clarke has at least 30 years experience and has written a book.

    God has over 5,000 years of experience and has written the Greatest Book ever that we call the Bible.

    I choose to obey God rather than man.

  • Dr. Clarke made some assertions between 4:30 to 4:45. He called it dumb that the husband said we are alright though his wife says she is unhappy. I will give the doctor a Scriptual response.

    First Corinthians Chapter 11 Verse 3 says,
    "3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. " (KJV)

    First Corinthians Chapter 11 verse 8 thru 9 says,
    "8 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. 
    9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. " (KJV)

  • Can you please provide me with the Bible chapter and verse of the serious sin you said the husband is in 5:36? This is a Christian show but we are getting all the references from your book. What does the Bible say about marriage? Where does it say we I have to be emotionally invested with my wife? I thought Jesus is first then man then woman? Can you explain from the Bible?

  • David Clark is a white devil! He doesn’t really care about restoring marriages. He teaches women how to destroy their home. He is all about making money. I have been trying to get a hold of him on what takes for a man to restore his marriage in Biblical manner, he has no answer. They literally hanged up on me.

    What David is teaching is wicked from the pit of HELL!

  • "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement."  1Pe 3:1-6 (KJV)

  • "And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?"  1Co 7:10-16 (KJV)

  • "But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God."  1Co 11:3 (KJV)

  • "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."  Eph 5:22-24 (KJV)

  • David Clark reconcile your comments with the Bible. You are leading a lot of silly women to hell! You literally breaking up good homes with children in them. Show me in the Word of Yah that support your counsel.

    "Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth."  2Ti 3:5-7 (KJV)

  • How can anyone save their marriage from divorce if you are encouraging women to hire a lawyer and file for legal separation/divorce?

    "Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unjust, and not before the saints? Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life? If then ye have judgments of things pertaining to this life, set them to judge who are least esteemed in the church. I speak to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you? no, not one that shall be able to judge between his brethren? But brother goeth to law with brother, and that before the unbelievers. Now therefore there is utterly a fault among you, because ye go to law one with another. Why do ye not rather take wrong? why do ye not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded? Nay, ye do wrong, and defraud, and that your brethren."  1Co 6:1-8 (KJV)

  • "But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety."  1Ti 2:10-15 (KJV)

  • I agree on everything you have said and I have same kind of video like "The real cost of divorce and what you must do now to save your marriage!" on my channel but with different aspect, have a look on mine too. I’m sure you will like that. Here's the link (https://bit.ly/2Rc9ZkR). Thanks! 🙂

  • David always seem to blaming the man for all marriage troubles, which is not helpful as a marriage counsellor and shows gender bias against men. Wives need to be submissive and respect the husband’s opinions too, not just the husband loving the family by sacrificing outside the home (e.g. working hard) and not get appreciated for it at home. Sometimes wives can be very demanding on their husbands too, to the point that the man can’t handle it any more, especially in this feminist era.

  • Dr. David Clarke plan for saving a marriage is based on the man caving in to the wife regardless of whether she is in the wrong or not. It is all based around pandering to the wife's desires. The guy has no charisma at all if I had marriage problems I would have more confidence in having a conversation with my dog to patch things up that listen to this obvious fraud. .

  • OMG!!! I am so proud and happy to be out here sharing your work Dr.Ben. I just can't believe this now my ex Husband is really back to me on his knees presenting a ruby rose to beg me to take him back and he was feeling regretful and sorry for leaving me and for causing me pains after the divorce which occurred last year. And this whole miracle happened after I ordered an urgent 24 hours Dr.Ben powerful spell which he cast on me and my husband. Sir, I am the happiest woman today in this whole wide world. Dr. Ben, you really did it..Yes.. Its a miracle and everlasting pleasure and cheerfulness for me and my family today.. I am so happy now and i don't know how much to convey my thankfulness and appreciation to you sir. And to the whole world, contact him if you need urgent help now because it's guaranteed that he will help you. Email him ([email protected] com) Add him up (WhatsApp him +18287990994)

  • He's right on; first is the personal relationship with the God, which is communication.
    Communication is something so powerful in any relationship.
    If God isn't important, how can the marriage relationship be important?

    Putting out scriptures is easily done & putting them in application is the other half. It also takes 2 to create a strong marriage.

    I've come here to find out what I can do to put things in motion from my end.

  • In our day men are selfish, they have idols, many men wallow in serious secret sin. Then the anger they feel towards themselves comes out on the wife and kids. Tragedy. Story of my life.

  • Tips to safegouard your marrige –http://0dfb3n0jlmb00p5qmlj8qewbod.justsharedthis.info/zsu6lCi

  • My husband and I had been married for 6 years when we realized we just weren't in love with one another anymore. He was cheating on me and I had emotionally checked out of the relationship. I was at a loss about what to do. I prayed day and night that our marriage would get back on track. One night I found this course about how to save my marriage online @t. At first, I was skeptical, but I was willing to try anything to save my marriage from divorce. From this course, we learned how to truly communicate and gain perspective about our relationship. It wasn't easy but through lots of prayers, communication, and this training my marriage is stronger than ever.

  • Thank you for focus on the family have been a Christian almost my whole life and learning a lot more lately than ever..don’t know if it’s age or just god manifesting at the right time for me.. god bless you guys

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  • 5-7 years?!

    What if we got to that danger zone within the first week of our marriage? 3.5 years in… we are not doing well.

  • 15 years marriage 3 years trying to save my marriage alone!! Now he left his job and got his 401k and put in a different account. I think it's the time to me wake up!!God help me!!!

  • Interesting about the stats…because in my experience I almost only know women who are spiritually growing and close to God yet they have marital problems. I am active in church and spiritual growth as are my friends. Maybe birds of a feather flock together but way more than 3% of the people I know are in this boat. Almost all my friends have some kind of struggles. Many to the point of needing counseling tho not all, but most.