Graduation day Many of you thought this day would never come but you worked hard You pushed yourselves further than you ever thought possible And because of that Today you become… Lads. Four years of lectures and laboratories That most of you didn’t attend. And countless essays lifted shamelessly from Wikipedia Have brought you here As you venture forth into the world… It is important that you live by our motto Ladaeitus, ladaeitus, ladaeitus. Which of course means: lads! lads! lads! Boring! And what a diverse group of lads we have here today I remember a time when only… Very good. I remember a time when only men could become lads. And women had to settle for being “one of the lads”. But no longer. The Bachelor of Lads today boasts such alumni as Whoopi Goldberg David Attenborough Jackie Chan, and of course Enya. We will begin today’s ceremony with a reading. Baz? Thank you professor spice bag. A reading from ‘The Book of Lad’ Ch. 4 v. 7 A lad went out into the desert with no water and 78 cans of discount lager. but did he thirst? No. Instead he lay down on the sand and played loud dance tunes from his phone beside a picnicking family For it was not the desert, no. It was the Dublin to Galway train. This is the word of the lad. Oi ee Oi Oi ee Oi! Today’s commencement speech will be given by former graduate and total lad Dame Judi Dench. This lady of course needs no I’ve just been informed that “Dentures” wanted to write a speech but unfortunately in the end she couldn’t be arsed. We will now move on to the presentation ceremony When your name is called, please make your way up to collect your ribboned can of discount lager. Michael “2 Pints” Donovan Elaine “Hairy Hands” Ryan Declan “No-show” McCormack In absentia Ross “Cue Ball” O’Neill Oi Oi Oi Doomdah. Thank you very much for watching we’re Foil Arms and Hog Please subscribe to the YouTube channel It makes us very happy. No it does, it does. And if you want to see us live that also makes us happy The Irish premiere of our new show ‘Swines’ is happening this weekend in Vicar Street in Dublin I think there’s only tickets for the Saturday matinee show which finishes handily enough in time for you to run off and watch the all-Ireland final. If you want to see us in America and you live there, US of A and all that. We are doing New York Philadelphia or “Philly” if you’re cool you say Philly Boston. New York think I said, New York. I did. And L.A. There’s an extra show in LA, but it’s on the same day. So that’s confusing. And Chicago. Chicago. Also Chicago. None of it clashes with the all-Ireland final not that you’d really care in the states. What if there is another replay, right? Or do they do another replay? How many replays can there be? I don’t know, as many as the GAA want. Keep the coins rolling in. Doomdah. Think that was my lowest. Well it was quite low. Your highest. Your highest.