Balancing Love & Anxiety in Marriage | {THE AND} Ivo & Kevin

Balancing Love & Anxiety in Marriage | {THE AND} Ivo & Kevin


(cards shuffle) (mouse clicks) – What do I do that turns you on that I am not aware of? – Wow. – Wow. – Good one. God, I wanna say this, but it’s really– The way you masturbate. – Ahh! (both laugh) – I guess that you didn’t know that. – No.
– The way you masturbate. Yep.
– (gasps) I’m dying right now. (Ivo laughs) – Oh, this is kinda cute. If for some reason I lost all my memories, what is the first thing
you’d tell me about us? – Well, that I’m your husband. (laughs) I mean, that would the– Right?
I’d introduce myself. God there’s… That’s a hard question. And that we have a beautiful son. That I love you. That we built a bubble… of love, and we have a family. – Uh huh. What are you hesitant to tell me? When you have to tell me, like what things are
you hesitant to tell me? – Anything that’s a trigger for you for your anxiety and OCD stuff, like anything that have to do
with problems with the house. – Uh huh. – I totally would keep it from you, unless you know about it when you first find
out about it when I do, I can’t control it. But I will not let you
know about a problem until I have… taken it in, got my head around it, and have a resolve planned. Then I bring you in, which happens usually within hours. It’s not like anything–
– So is that… Do you get resentful for that? It’s like another burden
in this relationship. – I’ve been resentful. I have. Oh, here comes the emotions. – I know. – Because you’re working on it, I appreciate it. And I know it’s not gonna always– I hope it’s not gonna always be that way, but it’s been a lot on me. – Were you gonna leave me? – No.
– Alright. – Obviously not. Thank God our lives aren’t that chaotic where things are happening all the time. Yeah, this past month
hasn’t been the greatest. – Alright. – Oh dang. (laughs) – It’s your turn. – What do I do that makes you
feel like I understand you? What do I do that makes you
feel that I understand you? – I don’t know if I can
put that into words. ‘Cause you’re like one
of the only few people who understand me. You get my sense of humor. You get my quirks. Lately, you understand… You may not understand what causes me to anxious or upset, but… you accept it. So you’re starting to understand that. Like, you know the irrational fears
of floods in the house or things falling. You’ve been getting better at that. – I understand they’re real to you. Is that what you’re trying to say? And I respect that… – Yes.
– it’s real to you. – Yes, that you don’t dismiss it. – I don’t know where it comes from. – No, I’m summarizing
what you’re trying to say. – No, that understand me. What triggers you to make me
think that I understand you? – Our history. – Really?
– Yeah. – Uh huh. – ‘Cause you know, you know our history. So I mean, it hasn’t always been roses, and I put you through a lot of crap in the early years. And you obviously saw through all of that, and you saw who was in
our my heart, truly, and that what I was
doing, wasn’t intentional, even though, at that moment, you were being hurt. But you just stuck–
– We’re gonna agree to disagree. I think some things were intentional. – You think so? – I do. (Kevin groans) I know that’s a big… And it’s my problem. I have a lot of issues– – Well, what I was saying is it’s not like I purposely said, “I’m gonna hurt Ivo doing this.” Like it’s not like I… Why would I? It’s not like I’m one of
those people that wanna hurt somebody else. That’s what I’m trying to say. – Okay. Your lack of understanding
and empathy there, not even caring, I think. That’s what it comes out as. – Okay. – I’m sorry, does that hurt? – Well, we’re gonna agree to disagree. – I am.
– Again you have it in your mind how something
went, and that’s not how it was. – Okay, and you’re right. I’ve gotta get that–
(Kevin laughs) It’s one of the things, I think, that we will probably never agree on in our relationship.
– Yeah, so… Is it my turn? – No, it’s my turn. Whoa, they really tailored
these questions well. (laughs) (Kevin laughs) How do you think we manage
our anxiety differently? And how do you see it
affecting our relationship? (Kevin laughs) – Oh yeah, that’s to me, isn’t it? – That’s to you. – Oh man. Okay. We are like polar opposites
with handling anxiety. I mean, they say opposites attract. You involve me in every
moment of stress and anxiety in your life. You feel like you have
to broadcast it to me. If I called you over all
that stuff at your job, you would flip on me. You would flip beyond. How I’m different, I internalize. I do not involve you in my anxiety at all, unless it’s something so great, I have no choice. – Uh huh. – And that’s because
of your anxiety issues. Like, you can’t manage your own anxiety, why would I even invite you into mine? Because I actually have
anxiety issues too, but I internalize– ‘Cause I’m the protector. That’s my role. – You know you can tell me.
– I know you. You’ve talked about this.
– You can tell me these things.
– But I can’t. Maybe when you’re– Well, you’re not gonna
ever be perfectly healed, but maybe when we make more
progress down this journey. But I can’t right now. I can’t. I’m not there, but I want to be. Okay? That’s the goal.
– Okay. – ‘Cause I don’t wanna do this by myself. – Do you feel like you are
doing all this by yourself? – Well, with my anxieties, yeah. – Okay. – Like I wanna get your help, but… I can’t yet. But I will. – Okay. – ‘Cause it will come. – Okay. So do you see me getting help as a big– Do you see that a big… step forward in our–
– Are you kidding? – No, like I’m being honest. – It’s nuclear. When you finally said, “I’m going to talk to a professional,” and be put– Here I go again. It’s been hard. – I feel bad, ’cause I’m not getting teary-eyed.
– And I love you. – Go ahead. – Well, we’re very different there too. – We are very different there.
– I’m very emotional. – You are. This is actually very sweet. ‘Cause you see that as a big–
– Huge. That’s why I’m like don’t–
– ‘Cause you know it’s something I don’t want to do. – I know. But you also see the value of it, ’cause you see it working. – I do see the value. – What is the pain in me,
you wish you could heal? – Oh wow. I wish I could heal that
you felt you had to be… the rock as a child. I wish I could take all that away from you. I wish I could go in and
just remove all that, and replace it with
nothing but being a kid. Like, the fact that you knew things, as a child, that no child should know… in regards to that. That, yeah. – Okay. Well, thank you. – You’re welcome. – Now, I’m getting all teary-eyed. – Oh wow! – That’s one thing I wish
I could really do for you. – Well thanks.
– ‘Cause I don’t… It bothers me, because… I don’t think… Maybe the person– The people who are
responsible for those things, I don’t know if they feel remorse, or if they would do things differently. And that’s one of the things
that bothers me about it, is that. Like I say this all the time. I wish I could erase both of our pasts, and it could just always be me and you. You know what I’m saying? No bookstores, no hookups, no this, no that like for me. And to know your past for you. And it just always be us, because I think we would be together. I think we could’ve been together forever. – I know. – We would’ve been able to lock and key kinda thing. – Got it. – Alright. (Kevin laughs) How do you love me? – How do I love you? Like how do I show you I love you? – Well how do you think
this question’s supposed to be answered? How do you love me? – By making you feel safe. And that every day you wake up, you know I love you unconditionally. That I prove to you that I
love you unconditionally, and that I don’t judge you. – Alright. – I want you to feel safe. Like, that’s how I love you is making you… I cradle you. – Oh you wanna go–
– I think it’s a given at this point. (laughs) – I’m there for you. I try to be a rock when it’s
not my role at all. (laughs) At all. I try to be there for you that I try to be your rock for you to come onto. I try to love you that way. I try very hard. I think how I love you,
I try to do the things that are against my… I don’t wanna say nature, but I try to be romantic. I try to be… other things than me in regards to– I’m trying to be more. I’m trying to fix myself. – Mmm. – Trying to go and get
help for my anxiety. I went medication for my anxiety. – No, I get it. – I know that you have a– You carry a bigger burden in
this relationship than I do. – Thank you. – I know that. – Thank you for acknowledging that. – And I appreciate it. Beyond. Hence why I say, I would be lost without you. Beyond lost. I don’t know what I would do. I mean I would pull myself
up by my boot straps, and take care of and plow through life. I can’t even think about that. But I understand. You do beyond. And I appreciate everything that you do. – Thank you. – And I understand that it’s not easy. – To summarize… everything that’s been brought up today. And we don’t have to agree on anything. We’ll just talk about the
emotions and the facts from my stand point to you. I know I hurt you. – Okay. – You know I regret it. And if I could change it, I would. I get mad at myself. I’ve told you so many times that I get so mad at myself for doing certain things, and how selfish I could– I wanna smack myself, ’cause I’m not that person. It’s frustrating to me. Just know that for a very very long time, way more than where I was selfish and… I don’t know, just like… childish. I’ve been a grown ass man. I think I know that my actions… give you feeling. Alright? And that I love you with all my heart. I know you know that, but I want you to know
it through and through. – I do feel it. I know it. I feel it. I love you. – I love you too. (lips smooch) – Jaydin here from The Skin Deep. Thank you guys so much for watching. If you guys wanna stay up to date with everything that we’re doing, please make sure to join our newsletter at theskindeep.com/subscribe. Thank you.

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