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49 thoughts on “And Now You're Mashed Potatoes (124) | Congratulations Podcast with Chris D'Elia”

  • Hey Mr Chris… oh hey. Ive been now getting the NITRO coffee at Starbucks. Nitro Cold Brew. In soCal People LOVE iced coffee and iced americanos. But its time for the NITRO! NIIIIIIIIITRO! I get it so I can say NITRO! American Gladiator named NITRO!

  • I actually got in a car accident while listening to this episode on my way to work today. The most upsetting part about it, is Chris didn’t show up with any coffee

  • Honestly this podcast was fucking gold. The Tom cruise part killed me completely. And I have a stutter and you still do it better. Unfair. My speech cord is full of Deeeeents

  • im from long island and the way u pronounced commack and Massapequa made me so uncomfortable but its fine

  • Talks about Tom Cruise days after Justin Bieber calls him out for a fight but doesn’t mention it…hey guy…get your life together.

  • Damn, could your pants possibly be any more tight?! Caught that man camel toe at 0:01 with that baby bulge. Pity.

  • For sure someone from Chattanooga helps him park
    Even when he flies in, some Chattanoogan "alright bud, youve got plenty of space. Cmon"

  • Chris to Chris alert ok? Jeans too high and tight like a mommy, don't want them s'mashed roasted almonds, gotta repopulate the earth one day with chris's bro.

  • I was having a knee-jerk reaction to say "First World Problems," but then I refrained 'cause 'min the first world too.

  • I binge watched American Gods on the weekend and that show got so fucking weird.

    I feel like that show is somewhat wasted on atheists or someone who doesn't know the real legends. You have no idea how genius making those pantheons interact with their backstories. Also the writers understand what the Gods are. They're consciousness born from the collective consciousness. They're called tulpas or thought forms. They depend on human beliefs and offerings for power.

    And I fucking love that Mad Sweeney knew who Madame Brigitte (Baron Samedi's consort) was because she is the same as Brigid from Irish pantheon. She is the only white loa in Voodoo. She'll manifest anything you visualize if you light a candle for her. Unless she doesn't want to of course. They say she has a temper. (I don't know why anyone would program a thought form with a temper.)

  • I am studied in what its like to be human
    That's not for every body
    But me. I was born to know what it is to be human
    You may not know and that's fine because I do and really. That's enough
    When I see a couple of dogs gated behind some fencing. While they bark crazily at me I say things like
    "Dude you don't even know what or who I am
    Go ahead speak your mind. Someone will hear you. Not me. Mabye your owner hears it and responds; but me?
    I don't even register your barks.
    Your fur and your tail. Not even a thought to me. I don't even see your dick out. Although it probably is because you're carnal. And that's what you dogs do. Fuck each other not even knowing what that is. But you do it. Do you think for one minute you could even get over that fence? No! You can't
    So when I squirt you with this water from this hose. You will run to the other side of the yard. Watch me bro! And run
    See I told you that that is what you would do and you did it
    Why?
    Because I'm a power house bro!
    A straight up dog wetting power house
    So next time…..
    Yeah keep barking!
    Next time smell me coming and just head to the other side of the yard
    I
    WILL
    WET YOU
    DOG"
    Then I pull the sandwich from my pocket and throw 12 of it over the fence
    The little guys eats it right up or takes part and shares the rest with its yard mate
    BOOM!
    I am human!
    Now run!

    Edit
    100% sober

  • This episode is on the same level as the Bilzarian thots episode. had me dying! thanks for this Chris. "doubled-you doubled-you doubled-you…"

  • You know that if you have chapped lips, you're probably a bad person?

    God made your lip split because the time you said the n word.

    But also, you probably need to brush your teeth because if your mouth isn't staying moisturized by itself it's probably the bacterias or yeasts taking all the moisture. If you use mouthwash and your lips feel more moisturized, it was bacteria and yeast.

  • 27:20 describing pulling his dick out of his underwear "Sometimes I go under. I Harriet Tubman it." Holy shit hahahaaaaaa

  • Valet Guys: 3:34
    Turducken: 6:20
    Valet Parking: 8:51
    Jay-Z Rapping: 11:00
    Beyonce: 12:43
    "Famous": 14:39
    Tom Cruise: 18:41
    Rob Delaney Ghost Protocol: 20:14
    Tom Cruise Scientologist: 22:20
    ADS: 26:15
    Girls Like Things: 31:26
    6 Year Old Chris D'Elia: 37:40
    Chris Being A Scientologist/ Car Accidents: 40:10
    Chris's Buddy Mike/Turtlenecks: 48:26
    Tom Cruise Scientology Interviewer/Stuttering: 51:39 / 52:49
    Long Island Missed Connections: 57:50