A few weeks ago, a New York minister, Pastor
Stephen Kim of the Mustard Seed Church, posted some helpful guidelines for Christian men
seeking a suitable spouse. His article was called, “10 Women Christian Men Should Not
Marry.” Apparently, this is a companion article to
a previous blog that helps women find suitable men. I’ve linked both in the description box
of this video. But quickly, here are the ten. Number One. If you’re looking for a suitable
wife, avoid The Unbeliever. Very important that your wife be a Christian, lest the LORD’s
anger burn against you. Number Two. Avoid the divorcee. Yes, the divorced
woman is “off limits,” because only a first marriage is considered a valid marriage. If
you divorce and have relations with another, you are an adulterer.
Number Three. Avoid the older woman. After all, it would require an extra measure of
God’s grace in order to lead a woman who’s older than you. Men lead. They’re the heads
of households. They run the show. Older women might be a bit harder to control.
Number Four. The feminist. God does not like feminists. After all, he created the woman
specifically for the man, and a feminist probably won’t say “yes sir” “no sir” and do as she’s
told. Number Five. Avoid the sexy-dresser. Woe to
the man who bonds himself to a woman who wears provocative attire. You see, a woman who exposes
her skin is actually exposing her wicked, harlot heart.
It’s hard to believe we’re only half done with pastor Kim’s list of prohibitions, but
let’s push on, shall we? Number Six. The Loud-Mouth. If she does this…you
do this. Number Seven. The Child-Hater. “Do not marry
a woman who is not willing to have children of her own. In the Christian worldview, there
is absolutely no room for two married, biologically capable, human beings to remain intentionally
childless.” And if you want to remain childless, you had better remain single.
Number Eight. Avoid the wander-luster. Somebody who wants to get out, see the world and experience
new places? Obviously a person who is not content, at peace. She hasn’t found rest in
God. After all, Proverbs warns about the woman who is loud and wayward and “her feet do not
stay at home.” Number Nine. The career woman. Ambition, specifically
career ambition, is a huge red flag for men. Women are to be the nurterers of the home.
So tell them to get back inside, and have dinner ready by 5:30, would ya?
Finally, Number Ten: Avoid the devotion-less woman. Does she have daily prayer and devotional
time with God? If not, you can keep moving. There’s nothing to see here.
Now look. I could have saved Pastor Kim some space and summed his guidelines up, not with
ten criteria, but with two. Essentially, Kim says the perfect woman should have two skills:
Sit down. And Shut up.
That’s right, men. According to pastor Kim, don’t find a woman who has a strong character
and sense of identity. Don’t bond yourself to a woman who sets goals and strives to achieve
them. Don’t allow yourself to be attracted to a woman who sees herself as more than a
subservient baby factory. Don’t abide a woman who wears clothing that makes her feel good
about herself, even attractive and sexy. Don’t choose somebody who wants to grab life with
both hands and make the most of every moment, unless of course those moments are spent making
and raising babies. Don’t make raising a family and bringing up children a choice based on
your own circumstances and the desire of your heart. No no. It’s a command of God, and women
should know it. Ultimately, don’t find an equal, because a
woman who’s truly equal won’t submit to you, and according to Iron Age primitives living
out their male power fantasy and calling it God’s will, the woman is supposed to submit
to you. She’s designed by God to submit to you. Not because you’re smarter or wiser or
more gifte, but because you essentially have the one attribute that God deems most important
in the heirarchy. You possess a penis. It’s always interesting to watch men proclaiming
that men should run things. They’re like the politicians who vote themselves a pay raise
and pat themselves on the back for deserving it. And for those Christians who protest that
pastor Kim has a distorted view of women and has gotten it all wrong, take a fresh look
at the scriptures that he cites in his article, and all of the biblical commands and opinions
in regard to females. The problem is not a rogue pastor’s interpretation or misinterpretation
of scripture. The problem is scripture, which lines up perfectly with his claims that females
are essentially second-class citizens created to make babies and tell their husbands “yes
sir” and “no sir.” The bible is a misogynistic mess, and pastor Steven Kim’s hugely wrongheaded
perspectives about women can’t be condemned because he got the Bible wrong. They should
be condemned because he got the Bible right. Dr. Darrel Ray just posted a terrific blog
on this very subject, and again, I will link that blog in the description box of this video.
Perhaps the worst part is, there are women in the Christian church who not only embrace
but celebrate this backward attitude toward them. And to them I have to say this. There
is a word that defines the scenario where somebody is kept in physical and emotional
confinement so that they can serve at the pleasure of another. And that word is Slavery.
You want a happy relationship of any kind? A healthy relationship? It had better be a
relationship where individuals, both male and female, are loved, respected, celebrated
and encouraged to live life on their terms, and not based on the writings of insecure
men who’s only qualification for superiority was that they could urinate standing up.
Here’s an idea. If you see any woman who somehow gains her worth from these ten guidelines,
or measures herself against it, take her aside and remind her that she has value, that she
was not born to serve another, that she should bow to no one, that her life belongs to her
and should be embraced with every fiber of her being. Her life should be lived on her
terms without apology. And she should reject the Bible’s backward opinion of who she is
and who she should be. Because after all, she is definitely worth so much more.